Sleepless

It's late.  Well, not that late, but it's too late to be up on a school night.  When you have kids you take school nights very seriously.

I keep thinking back to my conversation with Jackson tonight.  No news on the job front, but he was telling me about something that happened at a factory in South America.  Apparently some of the workers went crazy and started killing other workers with their bare hands.  He said it was probably a bunch of them doing drugs and shit to stay busy on the line and someone laced  their shit.  It's crazy shit like this that keeps me up.  The factory was locked down by the police and then they had to call in the military.  Why the hell would something like a few dudes on a production line going apeshit require the military?  

Why did we take tanks into Waco?  I really need to go to bed.  Wendy always says I think too much.

It's so quiet.  I can hear Wendy sleeping in the bedroom.  She's stressed at work and she's worried about me.  She won't admit it, but she is.  We've had to cut back a lot these last few months.  I'll have to admit it though-- I like the fact that the kids are learning to appreciate the simpler things.  I taught Todd how to make a whistle out of a blade of grass yesterday and he went and immediately taught Tammy.  I love how he protects and teaches her.  We couldn't have planned those two better if we had some kind of magic baby planner.  I just wish Mom and Dad had been able to see them growing up.

I miss you, Mom and Dad.  I really do.  The world got a bit colder when your generation started leaving it.

Doctor's Orders

It appears I have been instructed by my wife, Wendy, to start keeping a diary.  She says it will help me deal with the pressure I've been putting on myself since I lost my job.  Seeing as how she's the chief bread-winner in the house now, I guess I can't argue-- and the fact that she's a licensed nurse gives her some credibility... I guess.  Tammy and Todd don't seem to mind.  They love having their dad at the house when they get home from school.  I'm such an awesome dad!  

If Mom and Dad were still here I hope they'd be proud of me.  I've tried my best to remember everything they taught me and pass it along to my two little monsters.  God I love them so much.  I think about the world out there and it just scares me so much thinking about what they will be dealing with when they grow up.  If I can't even provide for them, how in hell can I expect things to get any better.

Wendy would tell me that that wasn't a very productive way to see things, but sometimes it's hard being me.  I spent 10 years making parts for motion picture cameras, and the job gets phased out in two weeks.  "It's the digital age," my boss said.  That, and the few companies still making the type of cameras we made have outsourced production to countries where my weekly salary would feed a family for a year.

Dog eat dog and all that.  Hopefully Jackson will come through with the job for me.  He says Deltaflex has a spot open for someone who understands how near solid state components work.  

Fingers: crossed.

Tammy's awfully quiet.  I better go check and see what she's up to.  Wendy won't be home for another few minutes.  I love her so much.  It's not every woman who could put up with a loser like me.